Hello, my name is Jeffery Dilegge. I am 35 years old and am a professional freelance web developer and Linux Administrator. With my job, comes a lot of isolation and very little face-to-face interpersonal interactions. This causes me to not have the opportunity to make new friends and actually causes me to become distant from society and social etiquette . So earlier this year I took on the task of cutting my working hours and engaging in more social events and one-on-one social interactions. This has lead me to be more positive and socially accepted.
Since I was a child I had already had social awkwardness to some extent, especially with pretty girls. Then later in adult life this continued through 2 marriages that failed. Though the failure was not entirely my fault, now I see that I could have handled certain conversations and situations better. Through active listening and more open communication, I could have, most likely, saved the first marriage. However the second was doomed to begin with. In my first marriage, I was stubborn and did not consider my wife’s opinions and advice nearly as well as I could have, if I had the knowledge I have now.
However, dwelling on “what if” and “could have” is unhealthy and keeps us from redefining our lives. The past is a learning tool that is there to remind us and teach us how to handle events and decisions in the future. You are not meant to stay in the past and beat yourself up over.
I have come a long way since my first marriage and even the second. I hope to help others with social awkwardness to learn to look within and destroy preconceptions while communication with others. Preconceptions tend to cloud the actual conversation and even whole situations.
In Sociology this is called “The Looking Glass Self” which explains to us that things like emotion and preconceptions fog our perception and actually cause us to view experiences not as they occurred, but how we perceived them to have occurred. Meaning that what you remember or how you see what is going on, may in all actuality have not actually happened that way at all. Due to the veil of preconception and emotion in front of your eyes, you did not experience the true reality of the situation, you turned the event into what your mind wanted or expected to see. But I will get into Sociological theory at a later time.